Day 5: Are you truly healed from the hurt/disappointment you once endured? If so, how did you heal? If not, what is stopping you from healing?
A5: This is something that I have a hard time handling and managing daily. I have never been the type to just let things slide. When a person does something wrong towards me or to me directly, I won’t let it go until the matter is resolved whether it be in a positive manner, or a behind the scenes negative manner of doing things. I have always been the type to get that closure no matter what. It could be years later, once I see the opportunity to close out that hurt from whatever has been done to or towards me….I take it…..every time. This has placed me in some sticky situations in the past though when situations have been handled in a negative manner. Often times, it may make me feel better overall but does not really help the situations as a whole. This has been a toxic mindset to myself, from myself as well. Sometimes you really do have to let that hurt go literally and figuratively speaking. Ever since I learned about two years ago that my reactions to others actions were not helping me in the long run and were actually a benefit for the people who initially brought harm my way, or even placed me in harms way, I began to change my mindset. I had to train myself to just let it all go. If it wasn’t something that would affect my finances, immediate safety, my family, or would stop food from being placed on my table, I had to learn that it was not important. I think the main problem I had was giving more power to things, people, and situations that never deserved that type of control over me in the first place. At first, it felt like I was stopping my caring nature. It made me feel like I was not caring about anything anymore and being reckless with my heart, but in reality I realized that I used to care about a lot of things that weren’t beneficial to me and my well being in the long run. Right now, I am still in the process of re-establishing what and who I care about in my life. The more I place my caring nature into the things that matter, the more that past hurt and disappointment fades away from my daily thoughts. It no longer matters to me. My ultimate test with this is when I run across someone who has hurt me in public. I know whether I’m still hurt or not by how I react to seeing them. Or when I am put into a place where certain things remind me of bad situations I have been apart of in the past. If I can be around these people and be in these places with constant reminders to the past, and I do not react or feel any type of way, then I know that hurt is gone and and I have regained my power back from them. Now, if I’m faced with these difficulties and I begin to react and feel some type of way, then I know there is still work to do and I am no longer over the situations at hand. I think the main reason some things have been hard to get over is because those are the things and people that I once cared about more than anything just to watch things go downhill. I often feel guilty when I can’t fix a problem that’s present with someone around me. Plus, I have a big heart, I’m not going to lie. I actually care about things and people even though there is a trend right now where others are actually glorifying not caring about anything in life, not even themselves and their own well being. I am not one of those type of people, so it is highly important for me to fix anything that is broken no matter what, and when I can’t that problem becomes bigger than what it truly initially is. 

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